Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Adventures with kale with a little TMI on the side

I've been following Drew Canole on Facebook.  His page is called Juicing Vegetables, and it's all about how juicing can change your life.

(I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that his last name is in fact pronounced like that tasty Italian pastry, which is ironic, given that he's a fitness guru who tells you to drink juice all day.)

I think he has other websites and a youtube channel, and he also has a book, maybe?  I don't know, I just liked his page on FB and haven't gone further than that.  I'm always suspicious about people who are selling health, but I was attracted to the FB page because he shares a lot of juice recipes there, and I'll admit, I'm intrigued.  Not enough to actually go and buy a juicer yet, but I like the idea of it, and I like getting information about it.  I don't know if it could help my PKD, but honestly I've looked at it all from every angle and I can't see the downside.  So maybe a juicer for Christmas. I dunno, we'll see.  So far, everything that Drew Canole has posted about fitness and food I have agreed with 100%, so it makes me think he might not be a quack after all.

The thing is, having a post from Drew pop up on my FB page every day definitely has made me think about vegetables more.  Particularly kale.  I guess kale is the new thing?  Maybe it's an old thing that is now a new thing?  Regardless, it seems that I've been hearing more about kale lately.  Like it's the vegetable that currently has it goin' on.  Like squash is so 10 minutes ago.

So, I'm trying to eat more of it.  I started a few weeks ago by throwing it in a smoothie with spinach and bananas for my kids.

I think we were all ready to throw up afterwards.

My daughter pleaded, "No more green smoothies!" and my son humbly asked if I could make another smoothie with just bananas and strawberries instead.  I don't think I will be able to get my kids to drink a green smoothie ever again.

 Then, I made kale chips, which my kids actually liked, and which I'll be making tonight.  Monday night, we had fish tacos with raw kale instead of the usual lettuce, and this morning I made a kale and banana and vanilla yogurt smoothie that I actually drank without gagging.  Maybe it was the texture (I made it super thin), or maybe it's true that I'm retraining my taste buds and learning to enjoy it.  Certainly it helped that this time I was prepared for the taste.  A banana-kale smoothie kind of tastes like cabbage cooked in gym socks, with a little banana aftertaste.

I know, it sounds awesome.

But do you know what kale does to your body?  Besides giving it tremendous amounts of Vit A and Vit C and some calcium and beta-karotene and probably lots of phosphorus (I actually don't know about that last one, I think I just made that up but it sounds good because aren't greens automatically full of phosphorus?).

 Kale makes you poop.

A lot.

It must have lots of fiber, too.

And when it hits you, like, say, when you are grocery shopping, it's all you can do to get yourself to the restroom in front of the store, leaving your cart willy-nilly because you are running  power walking to the potty and you don't want to run over a toddler in your haste.

And heaven help the poor souls who are in the public bathroom with you.  And I wanted to yell at the woman who was primping at the mirror, "Lady, you don't want to do that here.  TRUST ME."  Plus, who primps at the grocery store?  It's not like the cereal cares if you are wearing lipgloss.

Plus, who chooses a stall RIGHT NEXT TO the woman who is obviously pooping?  Seriously, if I heard the sounds I was making, I'd choose a stall far, far, away.

PLUS, the lack of handwashing in a public restroom at the grocery store is super disgusting.  Just sayin'.  Wash your veggies, people.

My kids are feeling the difference too.  My 10 year old is now old enough that I'm not up close and personal with his poop anymore, but my 5 year old sometimes still needs some help.  Yesterday, after the fish tacos and kale for dinner, she called from the bathroom that she needed help wiping her bum.

I tell you, people, because we're all friends here and you can handle it, that I was literally shocked at the amount of sh*t that had come out of my tiny little daughter.  It was truly epic.  She commented on it, bouncing a little and saying, "See, there's a baby log, but that one over there, it's a Mommy log.  No, no, it's a DADDY log!!"

I'm telling you, it has to be the kale.

Super-food, indeed.


Kourtney said...


cran said...

Just be aware that kale aids in blood clotting so if you will be having any medical procedures you might let the pros know what a fan you are. And....not to be a Debby Downer, but as your kidney function worsens (hopefully not for years and years) you will have to watch your potassium and phosphorus.

On the upside there is a website called which has all the veggie recipes a gal could want. Particularly good is the kale slaw with peanut dressing.

I think it's great that your kids eat veggies!

Heather O. said...

Cran, thanks for your comment. I did know that dialysis patients have to watch their phosphorus levels, which isn't something I'm looking forward too.

Rob Monroe said...

Ba ha ha ha ha!

Be sure to talk with your Neph before spending the money for a juicer. I went on a diet once and got cussed out by my neph because, while I was losing weight, it was wrecking my protein and potassium levels. Not saying that juicing is bad, but I would check it out!

(I am also not allowed bananas, but know that other kidney patients are, so that's the funny thing about kidneys!!)

SusanS said...

Come visit. I have kale in my garden. Dinosaur kale is favorite. Northwest was made for kale.

Willow said...

Oh, I am sooo familiar with this that not oonly was I laughing out loud, but crying hysterically at the same time!
We have SOOOO been there!!
As a side note, Kale smoothies with berries mask the color and the taste. My kids fav is kale, milk, blueberries and frozen banana. We put the ingredients in in that order and they are nice and smooth.
Oh and a warning- if you put strawberries and kale together- it looks brown!! Not the best smoothie color!! Thanks so much for sharing this!!
I just discovered your blog through a mutual friend and it's a great blog!

Olgerta said...

Heather congratulations for your courage and positiveness.... I would like to make some questions via e-mail... I have PKD too... Regards, Olgerta!

Zakia Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zakia Lee said...

Kale chips are awesome. I've tried it with spinach as well which is also very tasty. #2's increased for me as well lol. Trying to find all the good stuff I can to stick to healthy eating without getting bored.

Anonymous said...

Hi -- a thought while reading over comments: fiber is REALLY good for PKD. I searched juicers and opted instead for a Nutri Ninja Pro 900 - (Nutri-Bullet has safety warning according to Consumer' Reports). I am pretty excited about this and hope to NEVER need dialysis, being as proactive as I can. I also believe it's wise to avoid goitrous fruits and veggies.