Saturday, March 16, 2013

Having big kidneys

I got a wild idea last summer, and tried on my wedding dress.  I've been married for almost 14 years, and am only about 5 pounds heavier than I was when I got married.  I figured it would fit, and I'd spend a couple of silly moments with my daughter, pretending we were princesses or something (my dress was really really poofy.  Sue me.)

It didn't fit.

I couldn't zip it.  It fit over my hips and my butt, and it looked like it would fit around my bust, but I couldn't zip it past my waist.

This made me sad.

I know it's silly to want to be able to fit into a dress that I wore 14 years ago, and that such an expectation is a pretty tall one.  I mean, how many women can still fit into their wedding dress?  But for some reason, it made me mad to think that I've done a pretty good job of keeping my body in good shape, indeed, am probably stronger and healthier in a lot of ways than when I got married (I was playing a lot basketball and doing a lot of walking back then, but I was also a full time graduate student which meant a lot of time sitting on my butt) but I still can't fit into that stupid dress because of my overlarge kidneys.  As my kidneys gets larger, my waist is slowly disappearing.

Is it vain to admit that as I think about my future kidney transplant, one of my thoughts is, "Well maybe I'll be able to get back into my wedding dress." ?

Yes. Yes it is.

I don't care.

Shut up.


Anonymous said...

It is not vain, selfish, or stupid!! I have that dream, too. I used to have a nice shape, with a flat belly and enjoyed being able to wear just anything. Now, I have to wear maternity pants to fit my huge kidneys. They are so large I can't bend down to even tie my tennis shoes! You are not alone. There are many of us that suffer. I am aware that knowing this does not make the journey any easier.
Thank you for sharing your path:)

Anonymous said...

I too feel you pain. I can't tell you how many times a year I get asked if I am pregnant. No!!! I am not!! Unless you want to count expecting kidneys. I don't think my friends get asked that question, but when someone with a smaller frame and now, no waist, has a little bit of a stomach people automatically assume one be "pregnant"? I have always been had a very slender build. I should not think of that as my only "identity", but at the same time, it is hard to let that go. Thanks for your blog, from a fellow SLP.

Helen said...

Found your blog when I was Googling about PKD. I am also LDS, SLP, and have PKD.