I got a wild idea last summer, and tried on my wedding dress. I've been married for almost 14 years, and am only about 5 pounds heavier than I was when I got married. I figured it would fit, and I'd spend a couple of silly moments with my daughter, pretending we were princesses or something (my dress was really really poofy. Sue me.)
It didn't fit.
I couldn't zip it. It fit over my hips and my butt, and it looked like it would fit around my bust, but I couldn't zip it past my waist.
This made me sad.
I know it's silly to want to be able to fit into a dress that I wore 14 years ago, and that such an expectation is a pretty tall one. I mean, how many women can still fit into their wedding dress? But for some reason, it made me mad to think that I've done a pretty good job of keeping my body in good shape, indeed, am probably stronger and healthier in a lot of ways than when I got married (I was playing a lot basketball and doing a lot of walking back then, but I was also a full time graduate student which meant a lot of time sitting on my butt) but I still can't fit into that stupid dress because of my overlarge kidneys. As my kidneys gets larger, my waist is slowly disappearing.
Is it vain to admit that as I think about my future kidney transplant, one of my thoughts is, "Well maybe I'll be able to get back into my wedding dress." ?
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't care.
Shut up.
3 comments:
It is not vain, selfish, or stupid!! I have that dream, too. I used to have a nice shape, with a flat belly and enjoyed being able to wear just anything. Now, I have to wear maternity pants to fit my huge kidneys. They are so large I can't bend down to even tie my tennis shoes! You are not alone. There are many of us that suffer. I am aware that knowing this does not make the journey any easier.
Thank you for sharing your path:)
I too feel you pain. I can't tell you how many times a year I get asked if I am pregnant. No!!! I am not!! Unless you want to count expecting kidneys. I don't think my friends get asked that question, but when someone with a smaller frame and now, no waist, has a little bit of a stomach people automatically assume one be "pregnant"? I have always been had a very slender build. I should not think of that as my only "identity", but at the same time, it is hard to let that go. Thanks for your blog, from a fellow SLP.
Found your blog when I was Googling about PKD. I am also LDS, SLP, and have PKD.
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